They are the two words nobody wants to say, yet everyone wants to hear. We all want people to say they are sorry when they hurt our feelings, cause us inconveniences, or show their 'true colors' in a way that offends us. We don't want them to just say they are sorry either...we want them to BE sorry. How many times has someone said they are sorry and you know they aren't really sorry?
It starts at such a young age. Parents tell their child to say they are sorry to someone they have pushed, not shared with, or said something mean to. And for some, that child knows to say they are sorry no matter what, or they WILL be sorry. Other children, know they don't really have to because mom or dad won't do anything anyway. Yet there are others who say they are sorry in the most ugliest way, and because they said it, the parent is appeased. It carries us from childhood through adulthood.
As parents, it is a major inconvenience when our children don't want to say they are sorry. It takes time to sit down and explain why they should feel sorry for their words or actions. It is such an inconvenience that many times, those teachable moments don't happen. Being truly sorry for our sin takes time of reflection and takes putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Neither of which is natural instinct.
We have had moments our children have not wanted to say they are sorry...times they have said it, and not meant it...and times they said it and were able to tell us WHY they were sorry. Nevertheless, in our home...we do 'I'm Sorry'. No one is exempt, no one gets a pass and no one escapes those uncomfortable words. Not even Adam and myself. It is so hard to look at a child and tell them you are truly sorry for a mistake you have made, yet it becomes a huge teachable moment for those little hearts to take in. They begin to understand that "we all have sinned".
One of the other things we teach in our home is how not to respond. Though the natural response it to tell the person it's okay, it really isn't. For someone to have to say I'm sorry means they messed up, or your feelings have been hurt. That is never okay. If my child says he is sorry for lying to me, the last thing I want him to think is that is okay to lie as long as you say you are sorry afterwards. Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins. When we say, "I am a sinner and I am sorry," Jesus doesn't say, "It's okay". Jesus tells us we are forgiven...He tells us to go and sin no more.
That is a huge lesson for us all to learn. When someone apologizes for wronging us, our response should be forgiveness. By their future actions, we will know if they are truly sorry. Even if they aren't, we are not to judge what is in a man's heart.
So in our home do we do "I'm sorry"? Yes. Do we say "It's okay"? No. Do we talk about why we are or should be sorry? Yes. It isn't always convenient. It isn't always comfortable (especially when you have guests in your home and there is awkwardness when disciplining your child in front of them). I will save the topic of forgiveness for another post.
In our home, we are not perfect. If you know us at all, you know that we are far from perfect. We have made mistakes, we will make mistakes. We will have to say we are sorry...and it won't be the last time. I am so thankful that Jesus Christ showed us how to forgive and how to show compassion.
Today someone may owe me an apology, but tomorrow I may owe one to someone else. If we are going to do relationships, we are going to have to do 'I'm Sorry'...especially if we want to keep those relationships!
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