A Heart Restored (Anonymous Guest Post)

 *This is a guest post from a dear friend of mine who felt comfortable sharing some struggles she has been going through.  Her heart is so sincere and her struggles are real.  Unfortunately, she (like so many of us) almost didn't go to someone with the temptations she was facing because she was too afraid and ashamed.  As she poured out her heart to me, I saw myself.  I saw the me that was stuck in the middle of a pit and felt too afraid to say anything.  I saw a woman who wanted to do the right thing deep down inside...and had her feelings gone unchecked or unfiltered, she may have made some choices that would change everything.  A change she IS not willing to embrace.  So she turned the other direction and ran...as fast as she could. I am proud of her and she has agreed to share her heart on my blog today.  PLEASE dear friends...never be too afraid to find someone to talk to when temptation finds you.  The enemy wants you to keep quiet, but there is freedom in talking it out with someone you can trust and who cares.

I look in the mirror and wonder who am I? Really. Am I the woman who has devoted her heart and life to serving and loving Jesus? Or am I the woman wrapped up in sin and selfishness who deserves God's wrath? Unfortunately, I am both.  As much as it hurts to admit, it is truth.  The reflection staring back at me doesn't reveal nearly as much about who I truly am as the Holy Spirit inside me.

I am a mom active and serving in my church and different ministries. I have been married over 25 years.  Never would I have believed I would be in the place I found myself. The children's song "Oh Be Careful Little Eyes What You See" comes to mind. I would change it to "Oh Be Careful Little Mind What You Think."

Grieving over serious issues with rebellion and immorality in our children and a busy marriage lacking romance and fun led to a heart that was discontent. Sin always begins in our mind. Always! And I indulged in too many thoughts on how I wish things were different and how it wasn't supposed to be like this that it led to forgetting all I knew about guarding my heart. Feelings of being unappreciated and taken for granted reared their ugly head. Lies that I am unloved and unnoticed grew bigger and stronger.

We have an enemy who is like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. He comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. He is no gentleman. He pounces when we are tired, grieving, or vulnerable. When we are weak! He was certainly aware of how I was feeling. Thankfully in our weakness, Christ's strength is made perfect. There is a reason we are told to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ because there is another who is aware of our struggles, our hurts and our temptations. He promises us that “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) The problem is that sin is exciting. It's fun. It lures us in with promises it will never keep. Sometimes you don't even want to look for your way of escape.

The world tells me to follow my heart. The world tells me to be happy. But my Bible warns me that my heart is deceitful above all else (Jeremiah 17:9). I haven't found where it says to be happy. It does, however, say to be holy as God is holy.

Holiness. I certainly wasn't remembering to be holy when I listened to someone who wasn't my husband whisper sweet words into my ear. Sin. All sin separates us from God. It grieves His heart. I knew what I was doing was wrong. The moment it began I knew it was wrong. I had red flags going off. But it felt exciting. It felt so good to be desirable, to be wanted, to be appreciated. The lie I listened to was the lie that anyone other than my Jesus could fill that place in my heart. The truth is Jesus already loves me and desires me and appreciates me. He knows the plans that He has for me.  His plans are for me to prosper me and not to harm me. His plans are to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

In that moment when sin was at my door, ready to devour me, I had a choice to make. Do I indulge in the fun and excitement of the moment, forgetting who I am and whose I am?   Do I look for the way of escape? Of course sin is fun and exciting. If it wasn't we wouldn't struggle with it. But sin always takes us further than we want to go and costs us more than we want to pay.

I was so embarrassed, disgusted and shocked at my own behavior. Lies from an enemy who wants to use secrecy and guilt to keep me in bondage to my sin would say never tell anyone the horrible things you have done. But God is so very good! He does not deal with us as our sin deserves but pours out mercy and grace to those who humble themselves in His presence.

How can we avoid the traps of the enemy? Oh my precious friends...Truth. Know God's word, recognize and own your feelings. Don't sacrifice what you want most for what you want right now.  Speak God's truth to your mind. Pretending doesn't honor God. Find a trusted friend who will not judge, but who will love you and pray for you and listen to you. Pour it all out. Saying it out loud releases the power it has to keep you bondage.

Repent! Turn away from the sin AND the temptation. Recognize that although sin is exciting for the moment, the consequences are heartbreaking! Protect yourself and do not put yourself in the situation that can lead to sin. Let it go. Find ways to stay busy where you are focused on the work God has for you. Guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Remember Jesus loves you (and me) with a perfect everlasting love. He does not excuse our sin, but He is not shocked or disappointed and He does not stop loving us because of our sin. No matter what it is. Romans 5:8 says, “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us”. Because of His great mercy, He does not deal with me as my sin deserves. Because of His great grace He continues to give me what I don't deserve. Only God can love like that.

Delight yourself in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.