Adam and I have had many opportunities to meet new people over the past several months. Moving to a new town, searching for a church to call home, and getting a new job will do that to you. We agreed awhile ago that if we were going to pursue friendships, we were going to need to share our story with others. Honestly, I have been overwhelmed with the compassion and kindness that we have been shown. Nobody has shunned us or decided against friendship with the Haynes'.
I am blessed...there's no other word for it. As soon as I discovered there was a BSF (Bible Studies International) Women's group, I was there. The leadership was aware of my situation and showed me grace undeserved. What an incredible group of women! I studied with a small group for a couple of months, but ended the year serving as a Children's Leader in the toddler age group.
Adam and I also attended a weekend retreat back in February where we met 17 other neat couples. The women that attended have a group on Facebook to help keep us connected, and through that 10 of us have joined together each week for the summer. We are reading through "Every Woman's Marriage". Once again, all of these women know my story and I am so thankful to have their insight and challenging thoughts to help me strengthen my home and marriage. I don't think us Christian girls do this kind of thing enough! (Side note: If you are a women in need of these types of female relationships, don't wait for your church to offer it. God can use you and your home to pull together a group of women to study His Word and help each other in the journey.)
I am not sure where along the road of Christianity I picked up the habit of hiding the parts of my life that I was too afraid or ashamed to show. We all do it...we go to church and go through the motions. How many times have you asked or been asked, "How are you?", and knew there was never any intentions of getting a real response. Even if someone was to try and share how they were really doing, we seem to think they are negative or have taken too much of our time. We expect others to say they are fine and the same is expected of us.
What would happen in Christians today if we asked how others are doing, expecting a full and honest report? Would people stuck in strongholds or living in deep pits finally feel someone cares and wants to help them along their journey? Would parents find help in dealing with the struggles of raising kids? Would people stuck in depression find a glimmer of hope to know they aren't the only one with the feelings that seem so outlandish? Would marriages find a road to healing to know that there are people willing to pray them through their differences and point them to the only relationship that can restore their hearts?
I firmly believe (in my experience) that so many people out there are hurting and struggling to just get through the day, but sharing this with others would make them appear weak. We want to all be seen as a genuine Christian person who loves God and loves others...for this to happen, we cannot let people see our sin. Those things we think...things we say...things we do that go against what Scripture teaches.
I have learned that just because someone looks as though they are happy and have it all together, doesn't mean they are and they do. It may mean they are good at making you think so. After all...what would you think of them if you really knew? Well...I guess that is what has gotten us in this mess. When we pray for sensitivity to those around us...we don't need to be surprised if God brings people in our lives who need us. When that happens, it may change our plans for the day...it may be inconvenient...it may mean something on your to-do list doesn't get done. What it does mean, is God wants to use you in someone else's life for His glory. He will and can work out the details of what that means, what it needs to look like, and how you need to respond.
(I do want to stress the importance of "doing real" with friends of the same gender as you. No matter how safe you think it is to open up to someone of the opposite sex, it is not. Satan targets these types of 'innocent' friendships when we don't even realize it is happening. Christian women need other Christian women along their journey and Christian men need other Christian men. This is a truth I live by now, but not following it in my past led me down a severely destructive path.)
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