We Do I'm Sorry...But It Doesn't Make It Okay

They are the two words nobody wants to say, yet everyone wants to hear.  We all want people to say they are sorry when they hurt our feelings, cause us inconveniences, or show their 'true colors' in a way that offends us.  We don't want them to just say they are sorry either...we want them to BE sorry.  How many times has someone said they are sorry and you know they aren't really sorry?  

It starts at such a young age.  Parents tell their child to say they are sorry to someone they have pushed, not shared with, or said something mean to.  And for some, that child knows to say they are sorry no matter what, or they WILL be sorry.  Other children, know they don't really have to because mom or dad won't do anything anyway. Yet there are others who say they are sorry in the most ugliest way, and because they said it, the parent is appeased.  It carries us from childhood through adulthood.

As parents, it is a major inconvenience when our children don't want to say they are sorry.  It takes time to sit down and explain why they should feel sorry for their words or actions.  It is such an inconvenience that many times, those teachable moments don't happen. Being truly sorry for our sin takes time of reflection and takes putting yourself in the other person's shoes.  Neither of which is natural instinct.

We have had moments our children have not wanted to say they are sorry...times they have said it, and not meant it...and times they said it and were able to tell us WHY they were sorry.  Nevertheless, in our home...we do 'I'm Sorry'.  No one is exempt, no one gets a pass and no one escapes those uncomfortable words.  Not even Adam and myself.  It is so hard to look at a child and tell them you are truly sorry for a mistake you have made, yet it becomes a huge teachable moment for those little hearts to take in.  They begin to understand that "we all have sinned".

One of the other things we teach in our home is how not to respond.  Though the natural response it to tell the person it's okay, it really isn't.  For someone to have to say I'm sorry means they messed up, or your feelings have been hurt.  That is never okay.  If my child says he is sorry for lying to me, the last thing I want him to think is that is okay to lie as long as you say you are sorry afterwards.  Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins.  When we say, "I am a sinner and I am sorry," Jesus doesn't say, "It's okay".  Jesus tells us we are forgiven...He tells us to go and sin no more.

That is a huge lesson for us all to learn.  When someone apologizes for wronging us, our response should be forgiveness.  By their future actions, we will know if they are truly sorry.  Even if they aren't, we are not to judge what is in a man's heart.

So in our home do we do "I'm sorry"?  Yes.  Do we say "It's okay"?  No.  Do we talk about why we are or should be sorry? Yes.  It isn't always convenient.  It isn't always comfortable (especially when you have guests in your home and there is awkwardness when disciplining your child in front of them).  I will save the topic of forgiveness for another post.  

In our home, we are not perfect.  If you know us at all, you know that we are far from perfect.  We have made mistakes, we will make mistakes.  We will have to say we are sorry...and it won't be the last time.  I am so thankful that Jesus Christ showed us how to forgive and how to show compassion.  

 

Today someone may owe me an apology, but tomorrow I may owe one to someone else.  If we are going to do relationships, we are going to have to do 'I'm Sorry'...especially if we want to keep those relationships!

We Do Mistakes...But Love Remains

Every household has them...people.  With people, comes people who make mistakes.  All of my life, I can look back at the times I made what my parents would classify as big and small mistakes.  There are the times I didn't want to share...didn't want to cooperate with others...didn't want to go to bed though it was past my bedtime.  I spilled glasses of juice and even a plate of pancakes with syrup...you can believe we were grounded from eating in the living room for a long time after that incident!  As a teenager, I spent late hours talking on the phone to my boyfriend well past my bedtime.  We all made mistakes.  My parents made mistakes, my sister made mistakes, and I certainly made mistakes.  Some we dealt with well...others, not so well.

Fast forward several years, and I have made even more mistakes.  I do mean some BIG mistakes.  In my first marriage, I can see so clearly now what I refused to see back then.  I didn't leave room for my first husband to make mistakes, because he was suppose to be perfect.  He was suppose to fulfill my needs and give 100% to our marriage.  I focused on his mistakes and I overlooked my own.  I made so many mistakes...I was far from perfect and I did not give 100% to our marriage.  To children's ministry?  Yes.  To other people I felt needed me more?  Yes.  To my 'me time'?  Yes.  I neglected the man I was suppose to love, honor, and cherish.  Our marriage ended with even more mistakes.  Mistakes that many think I will never bounce back from.

Now we find our home in Jonesboro, and I am married to a wonderful man who has also made mistakes.  He has a lot of hindsight moments (I will leave that up to him to share for another time).  Even sitting in our church this past Sunday, listening to a sermon titled, "Act Like A Man" brought Adam to tears.  We don't know what life is supposed to look like after the mistakes we've made.  How can you make something right that was so wrong?

As our children grow, we want them to understand that mistakes happen.  Some affect others, while some only affect our own hearts and relationship with God.   We want them to understand it is our mistakes that caused God to send His one and only Son to save us from our sin.  The ugliness in our hearts.  I certainly never want my children to be sorry for their mistakes because it offends me more than I want them to be broken because it offends God.  

There are people in the Bible that made some big mistakes and it followed them for the duration of their time on this earth.  Adam and Eve...chose to trust Satan over God's words and were banished from the garden.  Abraham...took matters into his own hands to have a son and it cost him a relationship with Ishmael.  Jacob...lied and tricked his father into receiving the birthright...he had to move to a new land and never saw his mother again (he also dealt with lies from his own children that lasted most of his life).  David...slept with another man's wife and killed her husband and lost a child as a result as well as had trouble in his household.  Hopefully, you get my point.  So many made mistakes and yet, God never left.  He may have stayed silent for awhile...but He never gave up on His covenant with His people.

I want to be mindful of how I deal with mistakes in other people's lives.  My children are watching.  Watching to see how I respond to other people's shortcomings.  Do I have road rage when someone accidentally swerves in my lane?  And yet, I have been guilty of doing the same thing to another driver.  Do I respond to other people who have sinned with grace and compassion as I prayerfully urge them to run back to the arms of God?  Or do I look down my nose at them because I don't see how anyone could make 'that' kind of mistake?  My children see these things.  I pray they never feel they cannot approach me with mistakes they have made because they have seen how I deal with the same situations with other people.  I want this home to be a safe place to 'do real' and 'do mistakes'.  

In our home, mistakes will happen.  We want our children to understand that though they will mess up at times...we will love them through their mistakes.  We will pray with them as they struggle with getting back on the right path.  We will encourage them as they seek God's forgiveness and restoration.  We will not withhold forgiveness (I will save that for an upcoming post).  We want our children to know that we have made mistakes, we WILL make mistakes....they have made mistakes, they WILL make mistakes.  But one thing remains...We do love in our home.  And love covers over a multitude of sins.

'We Do Mistakes' doesn't give us a free pass to mess up on purpose and ask for forgiveness later.  It just acknowledges that 'All have sinned and fallen short of the the glory of God' (Romans 3:23)...we try to make wise choices...but when we don't, love remains...no matter what!

Every Good and Perfect Gift Comes from Above

It's Sunday...though I do not want to make it a habit to blog on this special day of the week for our family, I wanted to share these beauties!  These kids have brought Adam and me so much joy and laughter!  They are incredibly loved by all of their family and are such a blessing to those they encounter.  They are indeed 'fearfully and wonderfully made'...for that, I praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

We Do Real...or Do We?

Adam and I have had many opportunities to meet new people over the past several months.  Moving to a new town, searching for a church to call home, and getting a new job will do that to you.  We agreed awhile ago that if we were going to pursue friendships, we were going to need to share our story with others.  Honestly, I have been overwhelmed with the compassion and kindness that we have been shown.  Nobody has shunned us or decided against friendship with the Haynes'.

I am blessed...there's no other word for it.  As soon as I discovered there was a BSF (Bible Studies International) Women's group, I was there.  The leadership was aware of my situation and showed me grace undeserved.  What an incredible group of women!  I studied with a small group for a couple of months, but ended the year serving as a Children's Leader in the toddler age group.

Adam and I also attended a weekend retreat back in February where we met 17 other neat couples.  The women that attended have a group on Facebook to help keep us connected, and through that 10 of us have joined together each week for the summer.  We are reading through "Every Woman's Marriage".  Once again, all of these women know my story and I am so thankful to have their insight and challenging thoughts to help me strengthen my home and marriage.  I don't think us Christian girls do this kind of thing enough!  (Side note:  If you are a women in need of these types of  female relationships, don't wait for your church to offer it.  God can use you and your home to pull together a group of women to study His Word and help each other in the journey.)

I am not sure where along the road of Christianity I picked up the habit of hiding the parts of my life that I was too afraid or ashamed to show.  We all do it...we go to church and go through the motions.  How many times have you asked or been asked, "How are you?", and knew there was never any intentions of getting a real response.  Even if someone was to try and share how they were really doing, we seem to think they are negative or have taken too much of our time.  We expect others to say they are fine and the same is expected of us.

What would happen in Christians today if we asked how others are doing, expecting a full and honest report?  Would people stuck in strongholds or living in deep pits finally feel someone cares and wants to help them along their journey?  Would parents find help in dealing with the struggles of raising kids?  Would people stuck in depression find a glimmer of hope to know they aren't the only one with the feelings that seem so outlandish?  Would marriages find a road to healing to know that there are people willing to pray them through their differences and point them to the only relationship that can restore their hearts?

I firmly believe (in my experience) that so many people out there are hurting and struggling to just get through the day, but sharing this with others would make them appear weak.  We want to all be seen as a genuine Christian person who loves God and loves others...for this to happen, we cannot let people see our sin.  Those things we think...things we say...things we do that go against what Scripture teaches.

I have learned that just because someone looks as though they are happy and have it all together, doesn't mean they are and they do.  It may mean they are good at making you think so.  After all...what would you think of them if you really knew?  Well...I guess that is what has gotten us in this mess.  When we pray for sensitivity to those around us...we don't need to be surprised if God brings people in our lives who need us.  When that happens, it may change our plans for the day...it may be inconvenient...it may mean something on your to-do list doesn't get done.  What it does mean, is God wants to use you in someone else's life for His glory.  He will and can work out the details of what that means, what it needs to look like, and how you need to respond. 

(I do want to stress the importance of "doing real" with friends of the same gender as you.  No matter how safe you think it is to open up to someone of the opposite sex, it is not.  Satan targets these types of 'innocent' friendships when we don't even realize it is happening.  Christian women need other Christian women along their journey and Christian men need other Christian men.  This is a truth I live by now, but not following it in my past led me down a severely destructive path.)

Happy Saturday!

We stayed busy today and yet had so much fun!  We accomplished several things on our bucket list, except this time we got to do them with Daddy!  Adam got up with the kids this morning and let me sleep in...he is sweet like that.  Not only did I get to sleep in until 9:45, but there were cinnamon rolls and a glass of milk at my bedside when I woke up!  I truly love this man...he is extremely thoughtful.

We got ready and went out to eat lunch at McDonald's before heading to the Nature Center.  The kids enjoyed seeing the different exhibits as well as little critters.  They got to see fish, turtles, snakes, lizards and an owl...we thought the owl was sleeping with one eye open, but then he turned his head.  It got hot while we went on the nature trail so we headed back to the van to go get snow cones!

As we sat hanging out and eating our snow cones (in the nice air conditioning, I might add), the sugar rush hit pretty quickly!  The kids started getting silly and had a silly face picture session!  Caleb was hilarious!

After such a busy morning and early afternoon, it was time for some quiet time...for the kids AND us!  Adam and I got to spend some couch time together and I managed to get in a nap.  Emma is turning 5 on Monday, so we wanted to get her a birthday cake.  She doesn't know about it yet.  We are going to do a mini-celebration after lunch tomorrow. When she comes back in a couple of weeks, we will have her actual birthday party :-) ...I went to the store to pick up snacks for our movie night and her birthday cake.  There was no time wasted in this house while I was out!

Adam made paper airplanes and gliders with the kids.  They decorated them and spent a lot of time on them.  It was so fun watching them fly them outside.  Adam's landed on the roof, which gave him a reason to climb up there and test his airplane from 'new heights'.  Making airplanes is a part of our bucket list and I was so glad Adam got to do this one with the kids.  He knows a whole lot more about that stuff than I do!

Our day ended with another bucket list item...Snacks and a Movie!  We had yummy snacks as our dinner and watched a Tinkerbell movie (yes, Emma and Caleb both wanted to watch it...he isn't quite old enough to know there are a whole lot of other options).  On movie nights we started using a play pen awhile back as their 'tent' to sit in while watching the movie.  It has become the norm, a tradition they love!

Emma and Caleb are heading back to Kentucky tomorrow.  We will miss them a lot but get to see them again in 2 weeks!  The bucket list will be put on hold until then :-)  I love our family!

At the Nature Center

 Checking out the Exhibits

 Even Bryson was interested in all there was to see!

 These 2 pictures were taken by Emma.  She has become quite the photographer!  She told us to look like "married people" while taking the picture :-) ...at one point she told us to act like we were "married people dancing".

 Time for Snow Cones!

 Emma and Caleb got cool spoons that change colors.  When putting it in the ice, it turned purple.  Once they put it in their mouth, it turned back to pink...Adam and I were jealous we got regular spoons :-(

 HAHA!!  Caleb had us rolling!

 Emma joined in on the fun...now THAT'S a silly face!

 Making paper airplanes with Daddy!

 Time for snack and movie night!  3 peas in a pod!

Poor Bryson is barely in the picture...he was too busy stuffing cheese in his mouth to care!

Your Life is Never Over on This Earth...Until God Says it is

There have been so many times over the past couple of years that I felt my choices had ruined my life.  I would never be able to find that "peace that passes all understanding".  I would never be able to serve in ministry again...I had ruined every ounce of witness for Christ I would ever have.  There was no hope.  My name would be forever tainted...what's the point in living?

I have always known that God chooses our time to live and our time to die.  So since my sin hadn't killed me, there was still something God had in mind for my life.  I am so undeserving of His grace and His tender compassion.  I still have a hard time grasping His forgiveness...I will never understand it completely until I reach Heaven.

A verse came up in my summer Bible study this past week that stuck out to me.  It is found in Hosea.

"But then I will win her back once again.

I will lead her into the desert

and speak tenderly to her there.

I will return her vineyards to her

and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.

She will give herself to me there,

as she did long ago when she was young,

when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt."

Hosea 2:14-15 (NLT)

The title for this passage is "The Lord's Love for Unfaithful Israel".  I was overwhelmed with how amazing God is.  He is patient...compassionate...gracious...longsuffering.  His kindness is what leads a heart to repentance.  Time after time, God dealt with Israel's selfish ways.  He was their Protector, Provider and Preserver.  God would clearly lead them through the valley and provide a gateway of hope...it was up to them to choose to walk through it.  The thought that He didn't leave them in the midst of their complaints, selfishness, pride, and unfaithfulness is astounding to me. 

That God is our God.  He loves us in spite of us.  Not because we deserve it or are entitled to second, third, and fourth chances...but because of grace through His Son, Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful that when we walk through valleys (whether it be because of our choices or someone else's), God offers us a gateway of hope.  He seeks for our hearts to turn to Him so that He gets the glory for what only He can do through the good, the bad and the ugly.  

My prayer for my life is that I never forget...what God has saved me from, who God has saved me from and where God has saved me from.  I am the worst of the worst...but Christ's blood covers it all.  I am thankful that my life is not over...I am thankful for the gateway of hope God provides through Jesus.  I do not know what the rest of my life holds.  I just pray that Jesus would keep me near the cross and I would live a life that is above reproach.  That may not be my past...but I can choose it to be my future.

Happy Friday!

Today was quite the busy day!  We did three things on our bucket list...woohoo!!!  We met my friend, Rachel, and her two girls at the park this morning and enjoyed playing on the playground and walking on a nature trail.  We found flowers, rocks, squirrels, ducks and 'yucky' lake water along the way.  The kids enjoyed just being outside and getting to hang out with friends.

Afterwards, on our way to the library, Adam called and told us one of his boss' 3 month old twins were up at the office and asked if we wanted to come visit.  So we detoured to daddy's work.  They enjoyed getting to see where Daddy works to provide for our family. 

Our last stop for the morning was the public library.  There we exchanged 16 books for 19!  These kids love picking out books for their quiet times after lunch each day.  There is a summer reading program going on that we are joining in on.  With the amount of time the kids spend reading during the afternoon, they will meet their goals pretty quickly.

Our afternoon included a much needed quiet time and I got to enjoy some time catching up with my FB friends back in Texas.  I love that I am able to see what people are up to and what their kids grow.  I cannot believe how many have just graduated high school or are now entering high school.  One of the girls I had in children's ministry graduated high school!  She is not the first...this has been going on the past few years.  Though I know I am not old...it sure has a way of making me feel that way.

We enjoyed our evening outside swinging Bryson in his swing and catching fireflies with our nifty toys we got from Sonic a few months ago.  The bug catcher is awesome!  I love our family and the memories we create each day.  We enjoy hanging out together as each day brings a new adventure.  I love Fridays because it means we have a couple of days with Daddy home!  We are looking forward to Father's Day weekend!  Emma turns 5 on Monday...time flies by so quickly!

 Emma loves picking flowers...she brought these for Bryson and me.  Even more than the flower, I love the look on her face when she has done something nice for someone else.

Bryson got tons of attention while in the baby swing today!

I love this picture!  The kids were all posing for a picture and saw a squirrel behind me.  

Caleb spotted a couple of ducks in the lake...quack! quack!

Visiting Daddy at work :-)

Going to the library

Sleepy but still smiling!

Emma spent the evening next to Bryson.  Below is a precious video of Emma singing a song she learned at VBS this week.  I have heard it over and over again this week.  She has an incredible memory and picks up things so quickly!  Emma is an amazing big sister!