I saw this several times over our Labor Day weekend with the kids. Our weekend began with a rough start. One of the hardships of having a blended family is the every other weekend visits that can invade on activities our children would get to participate in otherwise. Emma was invited to a birthday party on Saturday in Murray and wanted to go. Adam and I had many discussions on how to approach this dilemma...not because we aren't willing to work with Emma and her mother when these things come up, but because we had planned our weekend out over a month ago. We were so excited that we would get a three day weekend with the kids.
Our compromise was to stay in the area on Friday night and take her to the party. We would have to adjust our weekend plans significantly, but felt it was worth it. That is until Emma chose not to ask Adam about getting to go but instead abruptly said, "I want to go to the party!" on the phone with no willingness to talk about it.
As parents, Adam and I have to juggle many aspects of raising Emma and Caleb. We know our choices have made life more difficult on them. They have to travel to spend time at their home in Arkansas...they have "Mommy Days" and "Daddy Days"...they have to miss out on things at both of their homes. Grace has to be extended so many times because of this reality and its affects on them. Then there is the other side of the coin that still finds it important to teach them to honor their mom, dad, and Alli. The importance of asking in a respectful way...of talking about their feelings...of understanding that we love them and are doing our best in difficult circustances.
This brings me back to Friday night, when Emma melted down because she had wanted to go to the party and didn't want to come to her Arkansas home for the weekend. She was so upset...Adam got her calmed down and I was so proud of how he talked her through what happened and what should have happened.
At that point, Emma had a choice to make. To be upset the entire weekend over something she couldn't change, or to be happy spending time with her daddy, step-mom, and brothers. She chose to be happy...genuinely happy. It wasn't long before the party was forgotten (or at least the acceptance of not getting to go set in) and she was laughing and having fun.
Another time at the zoo, she didn't get to do something she wanted to do. I could visibly see the expression on her face change dramatically. What started out as the "I'm about to throw a tantrum" face quickly melted into a smile and skip in our direction as we headed the opposite direction she had been heading.
And then Caleb...at three he is learning so much! Several times, he was given an opportunity to pout or change his attitude. He doesn't always make the wise choice here, but do we ever get to an age we grow out of this? Many times, I would watch Caleb choose to wear a smile instead of a frown. To choose to laugh instead of whine. To choose to be happy instead of being upset over not getting his way.
We have a long way to go in our family...but I find that when we make a choice to be happy, our feelings become contagious. What starts out as a little giggle quickly erupts into an uncontrollable laughter from all of us. Even Bryson laughs along with us whether he understands what is so funny or not.
Nobody wants to choose sadness over happiness. But we all need the reminder that it is our choice to make. People cannot make us lose our happiness. People cannot steal our joy. People cannot control the feelings we choose to feel. What an incredible lesson for us all to learn! It is part of training our children and helping them to see their choices as a heart matter.
On a different note, as a wife, I must be careful about my choices too. There are times that I mope around the house and try to make life more difficult on Adam because I want him to share in my unhappiness. I am not talking about the Bible's teaching on sharing in each other's sadness. I am talking about an all out pity party. I have found that my silent treatments, passive comments, and irrational moods make me a whole lot more miserable than it does him. Granted, he doesn't enjoy this quirk of mine. And hopefully, it happens a whole lot less the older I get. But it never goes as planned...and there is nothing about this behavior that is good for our marriage. Even if I am rightfully upset over something that Adam has done. Communication is the only way we are going to move forward in a healthy way.
I adore Adam. He is a wonderful husband. It is important for me to keep my feelings in check because it has a direct affect on him and our children. It has a direct affect on how I interact with them. If I choose to be happy, even on a bad day, my family will likely follow suit.
It reminds me of what it says in 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
I do not want to corrupt the good character in my family. I want to be good company that encourages good character. That is how God can be honored in our home. My prayer is that I would be that kind of wife, mother, and step-mother. We do happy...because we choose to.
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