We Do Second Chances...And Many More!

Why can't they just get it?  Have you ever found yourself asking that question when reading about the Israelites, who time and time again complained about being in the wilderness and taking God's guidance and protection for granted?  Or even when the disciples would question Jesus and His ability to do all things after witnessing so many miracles?

We sit on this side of the cross and are astounded at how many chances God gave His people after messing up.  Peter denying Jesus three times?  Really?  Thomas asking for proof that it was really Him when Jesus rose from the grave.  We can read so many people in God's Word that just didn't seem to get it....and we wonder, how is that possible?

Then when we take a look in the mirror, we see that we are just like them.  We fail time and time again, and by the grace of God, can find forgiveness and another chance.

At the Haynes' home, I have mentioned we make mistakes and say I'm sorry often.  As a parent, giving second chances is part of the gig.  It is part of the training process of raising children.  Who am I kidding?...it is part of the training process for people of all ages.  Emma is well aware that this is part of our family theme.  Just a couple weeks ago, Adam had told them they were all done with doing an activity because he had given them warnings several times to not bang on the front door.  Inevitably, in their excitement, they did it again.  When told to sit down on the sofa, Emma said, "But Daddy, we do second chances!".  It made me smile.  (He had actually given them several chances before making them sit down.)

Part of giving second chances is talking with our kids about their mistakes and what they should have done, and can do, differently.  Sometimes, we press the rewind button, and we get to pretend to do it all over again as if the initial error was never made.  It sometimes brings on more tears, but most of the time brings on laughter and reconciliation.

I love second chances.  It speaks of acknowledging that, while there is nothing we can do to undo what has been done, there is still hope our actions can prove that we are sorry and have learned our lesson.

None of us ever outgrow the need to receive second chances.  So why do we grow tired of extending them to our kids?  If we are always going to be in need of them, these precious little lives God has entrusted us with certainly do as well.  If we are called to "love others as we love ourselves", we must extend the grace to others that we desire to receive from others.

There is, of course, value in balancing second chances with discipline.  For us, second chances do not always mean there is not consequences involved.  Sometimes, that second chance is not granted for a day or two.  Sometimes, time needs to pass in order for a lesson to be learned.  For instance, if one of our children decide to not share a toy, they may have to go without it for awhile to realize it is far better to share what they have with others than to live without it altogether.  What a painful lesson for all ages!  We are not wired to wait.

Our family does second chances...and yes, it usually doesn't stop there.  We love each other and will never give up on any member of this family.  I am so thankful God loves us and does not give up on us.  He extends us grace, He gives us second chances, He can strengthen us through our mistakes and we end up never being the same again.  We see it back in Bible times...and some things never change. My prayer for this home is that we purposefully strive to reflect God's love through good times and bad.  God is not through working on any of us...so while He chooses to mold us into what He wants us to be, we choose to spur each other on amidst the process.  In this home...we do second chances.

We Do Hugs...Through the Good, Bad & Ugly

It's true...we are huggers!  We love giving and receiving hugs.  Good morning hugs, bedtime hugs, playtime hugs, spontaneous hugs, and even "I disciplined you because I love you" hugs.

I get it...life happens.  It is so easy to get so caught up in the day that we forget to pause for a moment to show someone we love them.  It is always heartwarming when my son or stepchildren take a moment in the midst of intense play time to give me a ginormous hug.  It has challenged me to do the same.  I may be cleaning, cooking, having some "me time", or spending some time at the computer...but I should never be too busy to stop and give a heartfelt hug.

Out of all of us, Adam is the best at giving purposeful hugs.  He may randomly hug me just to show appreciation for taking care of our home or hug our children after disciplining them.  There are even times the kids get annoyed because their "agenda" has been interrupted by a Daddy hug.  But all the while, I see them wearing the biggest smile on their face.  They love their Daddy!

Just yesterday, I sat watching Adam lecturing the kids about their attitudes.  They had been so wrapped up in having fun playing that when Adam told them to pause for a minute, annoyed attitudes surfaced.  He sat there explaining why their actions were unacceptable, told them their consequence for the day, and ended with a big hug with an "I Love You" attached.  They were bummed that their mistakes cost them, but had no question that their Daddy loved them no matter what.

I wholeheartedly believe they will carry the sweet memories of their Daddy's hugs throughout their lifetime more than any other activity he has interrupted in order to do so.  Our hugs are real, purposeful, and are an outflow of our love for each other. 

Adam and I love hugging each other, we love hugging our children, and our hearts melt when hugs are initiated from them.  I am so thankful we are a hugging family!  In this family, we do hugs...and what a blessing they are!

Water Fun!

We had water fun on Saturday over at Aunt Chelle's new place.  We had so much fun!  Although I am not sure Bryson cared for the initial coolness of the water (he gets it VERY honestly), everyone else had a blast.  The pictures say it all :-)

I think it is safe to say that July is our favorite month of the whole year!

We Do Fun...and Then Some!

Our family loves to laugh...we love to smile...we love to have fun!  Some of my favorite moments are when the kids start laughing uncontrollably.  Their laughter is contagious.  It doesn't take long for a small little giggle to turn into a rupture of laughter from the whole family!

We do fun.  We love to spend time together doing familiar things as well as new things.  These days it is so easy to sit your children down in front of a television or computer and allow hours of entertainment to pass.  Don't get me wrong...we do watch 'shows' in our home; but it doesn't dominate our time together.

This summer, our bucket list has helped keep us on track.  Adam and I both are committed to making memories with each of the activities we have planned.  It's true...sometimes fun just happens.  Other times, fun needs a little nudge in the right direction.

Our fun times happen in the big and small things.  Whether playing a game, coloring, enjoying a special snack, or taking a trip to somewhere special, there are memories are in the making.  We want our children to enjoy life.  To embrace our time together and invest in our family.  That doesn't just happen on its own.  They say if you don't have a target, you will miss the mark every time.  There is so much truth to that in life.  As we live life on purpose, we choose to enjoy fun times together.  We may have to get silly, crazy, and act like a kid...but it is always worth it.

Our children do love electronics, but those things don't put the sparkle in their little eyes like time spent with the people they love.  Seeing those sparkling eyes is worth more than all the diamonds money can buy...it's priceless!

We love to act crazy...here is a video we took a few days ago.  Believe me, all pride was left at the door (and usually is when it comes to dancing with the kids), but our love for fun remains intact!  :-)

We actually ate lunch afterwards and guess what we had?  That's right...Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches!

Fun in the Sun (and Shade)

Our home is complete for the next few weeks and we are so excited!  We spent a lot of time together over the weekend and completed one thing on our Summer Bucket List...Make a Crazy Hopscotch!  There are a few activities that are listed for us to do while Daddy is at work, but he wanted in on this one.  We started all at the same spot and then each made our own to branch off of start.  There is a tree in our neighbors yard that provided shade for us the entire morning (which always helps when you have kids who are warm-natured).  Here are a few shots of our hopscotch design:

And then, of course, there is the video we took of Bryson getting to take part in the fun!

We Do I'm Sorry...But It Doesn't Make It Okay

They are the two words nobody wants to say, yet everyone wants to hear.  We all want people to say they are sorry when they hurt our feelings, cause us inconveniences, or show their 'true colors' in a way that offends us.  We don't want them to just say they are sorry either...we want them to BE sorry.  How many times has someone said they are sorry and you know they aren't really sorry?  

It starts at such a young age.  Parents tell their child to say they are sorry to someone they have pushed, not shared with, or said something mean to.  And for some, that child knows to say they are sorry no matter what, or they WILL be sorry.  Other children, know they don't really have to because mom or dad won't do anything anyway. Yet there are others who say they are sorry in the most ugliest way, and because they said it, the parent is appeased.  It carries us from childhood through adulthood.

As parents, it is a major inconvenience when our children don't want to say they are sorry.  It takes time to sit down and explain why they should feel sorry for their words or actions.  It is such an inconvenience that many times, those teachable moments don't happen. Being truly sorry for our sin takes time of reflection and takes putting yourself in the other person's shoes.  Neither of which is natural instinct.

We have had moments our children have not wanted to say they are sorry...times they have said it, and not meant it...and times they said it and were able to tell us WHY they were sorry.  Nevertheless, in our home...we do 'I'm Sorry'.  No one is exempt, no one gets a pass and no one escapes those uncomfortable words.  Not even Adam and myself.  It is so hard to look at a child and tell them you are truly sorry for a mistake you have made, yet it becomes a huge teachable moment for those little hearts to take in.  They begin to understand that "we all have sinned".

One of the other things we teach in our home is how not to respond.  Though the natural response it to tell the person it's okay, it really isn't.  For someone to have to say I'm sorry means they messed up, or your feelings have been hurt.  That is never okay.  If my child says he is sorry for lying to me, the last thing I want him to think is that is okay to lie as long as you say you are sorry afterwards.  Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins.  When we say, "I am a sinner and I am sorry," Jesus doesn't say, "It's okay".  Jesus tells us we are forgiven...He tells us to go and sin no more.

That is a huge lesson for us all to learn.  When someone apologizes for wronging us, our response should be forgiveness.  By their future actions, we will know if they are truly sorry.  Even if they aren't, we are not to judge what is in a man's heart.

So in our home do we do "I'm sorry"?  Yes.  Do we say "It's okay"?  No.  Do we talk about why we are or should be sorry? Yes.  It isn't always convenient.  It isn't always comfortable (especially when you have guests in your home and there is awkwardness when disciplining your child in front of them).  I will save the topic of forgiveness for another post.  

In our home, we are not perfect.  If you know us at all, you know that we are far from perfect.  We have made mistakes, we will make mistakes.  We will have to say we are sorry...and it won't be the last time.  I am so thankful that Jesus Christ showed us how to forgive and how to show compassion.  

 

Today someone may owe me an apology, but tomorrow I may owe one to someone else.  If we are going to do relationships, we are going to have to do 'I'm Sorry'...especially if we want to keep those relationships!

We Do Mistakes...But Love Remains

Every household has them...people.  With people, comes people who make mistakes.  All of my life, I can look back at the times I made what my parents would classify as big and small mistakes.  There are the times I didn't want to share...didn't want to cooperate with others...didn't want to go to bed though it was past my bedtime.  I spilled glasses of juice and even a plate of pancakes with syrup...you can believe we were grounded from eating in the living room for a long time after that incident!  As a teenager, I spent late hours talking on the phone to my boyfriend well past my bedtime.  We all made mistakes.  My parents made mistakes, my sister made mistakes, and I certainly made mistakes.  Some we dealt with well...others, not so well.

Fast forward several years, and I have made even more mistakes.  I do mean some BIG mistakes.  In my first marriage, I can see so clearly now what I refused to see back then.  I didn't leave room for my first husband to make mistakes, because he was suppose to be perfect.  He was suppose to fulfill my needs and give 100% to our marriage.  I focused on his mistakes and I overlooked my own.  I made so many mistakes...I was far from perfect and I did not give 100% to our marriage.  To children's ministry?  Yes.  To other people I felt needed me more?  Yes.  To my 'me time'?  Yes.  I neglected the man I was suppose to love, honor, and cherish.  Our marriage ended with even more mistakes.  Mistakes that many think I will never bounce back from.

Now we find our home in Jonesboro, and I am married to a wonderful man who has also made mistakes.  He has a lot of hindsight moments (I will leave that up to him to share for another time).  Even sitting in our church this past Sunday, listening to a sermon titled, "Act Like A Man" brought Adam to tears.  We don't know what life is supposed to look like after the mistakes we've made.  How can you make something right that was so wrong?

As our children grow, we want them to understand that mistakes happen.  Some affect others, while some only affect our own hearts and relationship with God.   We want them to understand it is our mistakes that caused God to send His one and only Son to save us from our sin.  The ugliness in our hearts.  I certainly never want my children to be sorry for their mistakes because it offends me more than I want them to be broken because it offends God.  

There are people in the Bible that made some big mistakes and it followed them for the duration of their time on this earth.  Adam and Eve...chose to trust Satan over God's words and were banished from the garden.  Abraham...took matters into his own hands to have a son and it cost him a relationship with Ishmael.  Jacob...lied and tricked his father into receiving the birthright...he had to move to a new land and never saw his mother again (he also dealt with lies from his own children that lasted most of his life).  David...slept with another man's wife and killed her husband and lost a child as a result as well as had trouble in his household.  Hopefully, you get my point.  So many made mistakes and yet, God never left.  He may have stayed silent for awhile...but He never gave up on His covenant with His people.

I want to be mindful of how I deal with mistakes in other people's lives.  My children are watching.  Watching to see how I respond to other people's shortcomings.  Do I have road rage when someone accidentally swerves in my lane?  And yet, I have been guilty of doing the same thing to another driver.  Do I respond to other people who have sinned with grace and compassion as I prayerfully urge them to run back to the arms of God?  Or do I look down my nose at them because I don't see how anyone could make 'that' kind of mistake?  My children see these things.  I pray they never feel they cannot approach me with mistakes they have made because they have seen how I deal with the same situations with other people.  I want this home to be a safe place to 'do real' and 'do mistakes'.  

In our home, mistakes will happen.  We want our children to understand that though they will mess up at times...we will love them through their mistakes.  We will pray with them as they struggle with getting back on the right path.  We will encourage them as they seek God's forgiveness and restoration.  We will not withhold forgiveness (I will save that for an upcoming post).  We want our children to know that we have made mistakes, we WILL make mistakes....they have made mistakes, they WILL make mistakes.  But one thing remains...We do love in our home.  And love covers over a multitude of sins.

'We Do Mistakes' doesn't give us a free pass to mess up on purpose and ask for forgiveness later.  It just acknowledges that 'All have sinned and fallen short of the the glory of God' (Romans 3:23)...we try to make wise choices...but when we don't, love remains...no matter what!