So, I have apparently fallen off of the blogging wagon over the past several months. Though my blog has been silent, my heart has been stirred, and it has been ringing loud and clear. There are many mysteries in the Christian faith. So many times I ask myself why I do what I do...if I really believe God's Word to be the ultimate authority, why does my behavior show otherwise at times?
It makes me so disappointed in myself to recall the countless times I have walked through the doors of church to either receive a message from God's Word or teach one, and left unchanged...God's Word has so much power, and yet I find myself minimizing it as I live out my everyday life.
It could be in the words I speak to my husband or kids that are saturated with impatience...the self-centered attitude that oozes out of me when my plans for the day don't go as I planned...the careless words I speak about others that I would never once consider saying to their face...the money I choose to spend thoughtlessly despite our tight budget. If I am so consumed in my own little world, how can I say I truly believe all God says to be true? Ouch...it is one thing to think it, another to see the words written out. I am a mess!
Our family consists of imperfect people...people of all ages. Some that are selfish, whiny, bossy, impatient, lazy, and that like to have the last word. And that doesn't even include my husband and kids! In order to have a house that our family is able to call home, forgiveness has to be present. There are times forgiving a member of my family seems like a small task...then there are times I want to get the last word in before forgiving. Why? Because for some odd reason, we are programmed to feel like forgiveness means letting someone off the hook. If we forgive someone by biblical standards, there is a part of us that makes us feel as if are losing.
Then I find myself wondering if that is how I approach God's grace. Does His grace mean I got away with my sin? As the Lent season begins this week, it makes me think of how lightly I have taken my salvation. I know Jesus chose to become a man...I know that He lived a sinless life...I know that He chose to suffer a horrific death so that I wouldn't have to. But still, do I really get it?
I was talking to a friend the other day about my past and how grateful I am for God's forgiveness. There is nothing the blood of Christ does not cover. Then my dear friend said, "Allison, I know you are sorry for the things you have done...but, it doesn't sound like you have forgiven yourself."
I wanted to argue...to backtrack my statements to convince her and myself that I have. Then came the analyzing...playing it back in my head. My choices, the consequences, the hurt, my repentance, my journey in working towards restoration. I have played it back in my head so many times. That's the problem. As the new favorite song in our household says, I need to "Let It Go".
It takes me back to the cross. As Jesus is drawing His last breath, He says three simple, yet profound, words.
"It is finished."
That was it. He didn't say, "Alright, I have done what I came to do, but these people and I are going to have a serious discussion before my blood covers their sin." God says when He forgives us, our transgressions are removed...we are blameless and there is no condemnation. He wants us to be sorry, to repent of our failures...not because we"got caught", but because we have offended the Creator of the Universe. But if the God of the universe can move on, why is it that I can't?
I have messed up big time in my life. I have missed out on blessings and opportunities because of my sin. I can grieve over that, but dwelling on it keeps me from being who God wants me to be now.
My past is my past. I can't change it. I made choices that cannot be undone. So now what? It is time to forget what is behind me and press on. To take where I am now and live a life that can only be lived by the grace of God.
I cannot be the wife I need to be if I am living in the past. I cannot be the mom or step-mom I need to be if I am living in the past. The people in my life need me...not my grievances over what I cannot change.
Our family has had to practice a great deal of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't always mean there aren't any consequences, it just means we choose to move on from the offense.
God's grace is massive! He extends it to the most undeserving. If He dealt with us as we should be dealt with...grace wouldn't exist.
It takes a lot of grace to parent...both on the receiving and giving end. I love how my husband responds to the kids when they ask him to forgive them. He says, "Of course I forgive you. You know why? Because I am your Daddy, and I love you. I will always forgive you no matter what you do."
Seems like a lesson to be learned there. In our home, we do forgiveness. Because we, too, desire to be forgiven. Being forgiven doesn't change my past, but it does change my future!
